what will i become if i continue to treat people the way i do now? isn't that strange to read aloud? it sounds bad. i didn't mean it in a bad way though. i was just asking.
i feel frightened of being judged by those who will read this. in fact, i don't want to write in this moment because i am afraid someone will read it. fascinating.
i dont want them to see into me. it feels as though i must perform for them. who? i am not sure. but i feel as though i must be careful in expressing myself, or else they'll find me. and yet, i really just want to be found. moreover, this whole little exercise i just went through probably revealed more than i could have ever imagined.
god hopes i'll hope to believe in him. structure gently reminds me to seek it. intimacy is getting closer to telling me straight up to sit still and surrender. the silence doesn't say to me. and i really dont know what i'm doing.
may i choose the path of the familyman sooner than later? the prepwork makes me nauseous .
1 comment:
I think I've felt the same in writing a blog (the middle portion- not to much the family man part, though). It's hard to understand boundaries, to understand who gets to come in and what they get to see and why it's all worth sharing.
I finally decided it doesn't matter if we understand.
Do it anyway.
Post a Comment